yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
