So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
