You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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