If that was your dad, he is hot
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
