$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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