i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
