yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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