I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
