is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
