i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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