what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
