Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
