the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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