I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
