Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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