My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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