If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
