She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
