pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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