I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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