Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
