I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
