whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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