i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
