A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
And then he peed in my hair
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