I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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