I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You took a bar mat shot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
