I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
