Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
