eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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