I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
