my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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