Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
