I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
