my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
