I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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