When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
