some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
