do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
