Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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