Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
