oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
