She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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