I CAN MOONWALK!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
