i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I looked at my own cervix.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
