Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
