I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
