I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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