somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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