his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
