1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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